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This morning, ideas came flying out on my mind. I couldn't even comprehend some of them. As a result, I couldn't wait to end my morning classes. I rushed directly in this library where I could log in to this blog. Unfortunately, the PCs were still filled with cramming students. Finally, after minutes of waiting, it was my turn to use the computer.
As I was sitting down, typing my username and password on blogger, there was a sudden change of my mood. And when I was about to type what is on my mind, it surprised me that the ideas I had this morning suddenly went lost in my filing cabinet of short-term memories. I guess, my mind was not working efficiently. Then I suddenly realize that it was already 12 noon and I still have to eat my brunch before it's too late because I still have a class on logic at 1:15 and this subject requires a lot of thinking. So, I have to go now if I don't want my brain to be eaten by a zombie!!!:)
"Of all the kisses I have shared with different guys, yours was different and the best cause those kisses we've shared were real!:)"
It started couple of months ago, some time in 2009. Everybody is always mentioning his name in gossips and even my homosexual P.E teacher never failed to insert his name during our discussion. Many have said that he was really handsome, has a pleasant attitude, and a killer smile. Most of all, he has a stunning and gorgeous body.
As a curious person, I always wanted to see him personally but I could not because he was too elusive. He was a working student by then, striving hard to finish his studies. I was really impressed. Suddenly, I developed some strange feelings towards him although I haven't seen him yet.
On the start of our 2nd term class in Earth Science(Physics10), I saw a man sitting on the 1st table which happened to be located in front of me. He was so attractive that he drew all my attention the whole period. After the class, I immediately approached a friend and asked for his name. Surprisingly, he was the man the whole college was talking about. I was so happy that I have finally seen him. And I thought to myself that this was the opportunity I've been waiting for--to know him better. Unfortunately, he was always absent in our class so I really never have the chance.
My friends told me that he has a girlfriend already. I knew it for I've already seen them together in a fast food chain which happened to be my favourite place. But I never cared. The hell I care anyway. He was just a usual crush of mine. I could never have him just like the others. As usual, I have to accept my fate.
I have already forgotten him during the summer that passed by.
A new semester had begun for 2010. I was in my major class on the 4th floor of Education building, Thursday. I don't know why but I suddenly saw a vision of a man who used to walk on that corridor and it was him. I suddenly missed him for he had no longer studied in our school. What goes into my mind, I just found myself asking for his mobile number from his friend, i really don't know. His friend reluctantly gave me his number. And from the moment I received his number, I sent him a message of "hi". Amazingly, he replied immediately. It feels like having a textmate for the 1st time. I pretended that I don't know him and he also did not gave me his real name. So it was never a 100% assurance that it was really him. Suddenly, he asked me to see him in person which I never hesitated.
That was a rainy Saturday afternoon of June. I went at his place together with a friend because I was really shy in meeting him alone. OMG! After how many months of not seeing him, finally, he's there standing in front of me. Truly he was a gorgeous masterpiece of God. He was wearing at that time a cap, white tshirt, jeans, and a pair of sneakers. His simplicity really thrilled me to the bones. weeeh. I can really feel that my hands and toes shaked. Everything was in slow motion. I felt that I'm going to have fever. My hands were too cold to offer him a hand shake.
He invited us to enter in his room because their lobby was already wet. The room was spacious with two double-decked beds placed near a single window, a medium-sized cabinet and an a miniature electric fan. As expected in a boy's room, it was a little bit messy but it's okay. His roommate was present at that time so I came to know him also. He was chubby with a dark complexion and a fair height for a man who studies at a university in our town and works as a part timer in a fast food chain at night. But he did not stay there for too long and left the 3 of us.
Everything was unusual and uncomfortable by the time he started to be too sweet at me. He was like a vampire who haven't tasted a blood for too long. He hugged me so tightly that I thought he has no plan of letting me go. Whispering some words of appreciation and longing suddenly paralyzes me on my seat. Goosebumps were all over my body. My body was there but my mind was flying in nowhere. Suddenly, I was awakened into reality when my friend asked him if where is the comfort room located and he gave him the direction reluctantly. And by the moment my friend left the room,..........(s***).......he had given me a deep and soft kiss which I never expected. What a sensation!!! I was suddenly hypnotized. I lost all the energy that I have. I just found myself returning all his kisses.(wtf!!) In my entire life, that was the first kiss I have without being drunk. Whew! How I wish that night would never end but it has to. There's no such thing as unlimited night.
The hardest part of that day was saying goodbye. But before we separate our ways, he gave me a tight embrace. I was so sad but we promised to see each other again but for how long will it take just to see him again. I know that it was never right. He already has a girl but I don't have mine. He loves her but he likes me i suppose. I can feel it. Why would he risk their relationship that lasts for a year already? I don't know what's going on with his mind. He never mentioned about his girlfriend anyway. Why would I care? As long as we're happy with each others' company, mistake would never exist.;)
"I don't care what other people might say. As long as you're here with me, everything's okay!!;)"
We went to a mall in our city after our feeding program last Saturday. After a long walk at the mall, we decided to sit in the food court and ate the junk foods that we bought below. While eating, we exchanged some experiences in our lives and we ended having a topic about what will be Philippines in the future.
We know that Philippines is still very dependent from other countries. I hate to admit this but without them, Philippines will be nothing. Sad but true. Philippines export Filipinos to the other countries to become domestic helpers therefore leaving behind their families for the sake of good salaries in exchange for their efforts. Instead of helping their own country, they have no choice but work abroad for it offers them more than Philippines can offer to its worker.
If Philippines will be rich as them, there will be a time when it will be importing some domestic helpers from different countries. Therefore, Filipinos will be the bosses and the foreigners will be their helpers. Just imagine a filipino having a helper like the beauty of a Brazilian model wearing uniform, bringing the things bought in a mall while following their bosses with a beauty of a native filipino (dark-skinned, flat nose, voluminous lips, and doesn't know how to dress and make up herself properly) will be outrageous to look at.
It is already in the Philippine culture that we admire most the beauty of foreigners than our own because long ago when the foreigners were still invading our country, we got used to the thought that they are more superior than us because of their skin tone and wealth. We, the Filipinos, who are fond of imitating the others will never obtain progress I suppose. In order to obtain such progress, we should believe and love ourselves first.
There were just few of them whom I considered real friends. Nowadays, it was really hard to find someone whom you can trust and lean on. It's just that I have already witnessed some betrayals between my friends and I suddenly told myself that I was really wrong to give my trust on them. I'm wondering that someday they might do the same on me or worst they were already doing that on me without my knowledge.
You might meet them on the streets and they can somehow manage to greet and smile at you but when they have already turned their backs, you don't know that you have already been back stabbed. How ironic! What's the use of making friends when you don't even try to understand and accept their differences??? Make sense???
I hate those people who change their feelings with time. They are often called selfish. They will just like you when they can still have some benefits on you and leave you at the end when they can no longer use you. I hope I was not wrong to choose those people whom I called "friends " right now.
It really hurts me so much to see my ex-friends who just passed me by as if they don't know me, as if we haven't spent time together. Some of them have already gone with time. Maybe they are already happy with their newly found friends. I can't blame them if they don't want me anymore. I guess, I have to accept my fate as a loner; always in the place of darkness where I'm hoping that someday someone might pick me up and give me the light I always wanted.
All I need are true, real, & genuine friend. Someone who will not leave me at the midst of a battle. Someone who is brave enough to accept my differences. I hope that someday I could find one but I guess that would be very impossible.;(
Whew! It had already been a month since I have posted something on this blog. Well, there's a lot that happened to me during those days of break.(murag d to sya break..lolz) I've been very busy these past few days. And those calvary, which I thought I'll never accomplish, has finally ended. Thank God. I would never make it without Him. Cheers to that!;)
Hmm. What more else I could say? Ahm. I just thank God that he has given me another year of challenges & struggles that would probably make me a better better person and I just hope I would overcome those stuffs.
For the meantime, I will just be relaxing since there were no tasks to work on. And I would appreciate if there will be some things to do cause I want to make myself busy so that I can forget those things that pressure me so much such as money, love, home, friends, etc. Duh. Uber!! hahaha. Good luck to me and the others.
