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"Of all the kisses I have shared with different guys, yours was different and the best cause those kisses we've shared were real!:)"
It started couple of months ago, some time in 2009. Everybody is always mentioning his name in gossips and even my homosexual P.E teacher never failed to insert his name during our discussion. Many have said that he was really handsome, has a pleasant attitude, and a killer smile. Most of all, he has a stunning and gorgeous body.
As a curious person, I always wanted to see him personally but I could not because he was too elusive. He was a working student by then, striving hard to finish his studies. I was really impressed. Suddenly, I developed some strange feelings towards him although I haven't seen him yet.
On the start of our 2nd term class in Earth Science(Physics10), I saw a man sitting on the 1st table which happened to be located in front of me. He was so attractive that he drew all my attention the whole period. After the class, I immediately approached a friend and asked for his name. Surprisingly, he was the man the whole college was talking about. I was so happy that I have finally seen him. And I thought to myself that this was the opportunity I've been waiting for--to know him better. Unfortunately, he was always absent in our class so I really never have the chance.
My friends told me that he has a girlfriend already. I knew it for I've already seen them together in a fast food chain which happened to be my favourite place. But I never cared. The hell I care anyway. He was just a usual crush of mine. I could never have him just like the others. As usual, I have to accept my fate.
I have already forgotten him during the summer that passed by.
A new semester had begun for 2010. I was in my major class on the 4th floor of Education building, Thursday. I don't know why but I suddenly saw a vision of a man who used to walk on that corridor and it was him. I suddenly missed him for he had no longer studied in our school. What goes into my mind, I just found myself asking for his mobile number from his friend, i really don't know. His friend reluctantly gave me his number. And from the moment I received his number, I sent him a message of "hi". Amazingly, he replied immediately. It feels like having a textmate for the 1st time. I pretended that I don't know him and he also did not gave me his real name. So it was never a 100% assurance that it was really him. Suddenly, he asked me to see him in person which I never hesitated.
That was a rainy Saturday afternoon of June. I went at his place together with a friend because I was really shy in meeting him alone. OMG! After how many months of not seeing him, finally, he's there standing in front of me. Truly he was a gorgeous masterpiece of God. He was wearing at that time a cap, white tshirt, jeans, and a pair of sneakers. His simplicity really thrilled me to the bones. weeeh. I can really feel that my hands and toes shaked. Everything was in slow motion. I felt that I'm going to have fever. My hands were too cold to offer him a hand shake.
He invited us to enter in his room because their lobby was already wet. The room was spacious with two double-decked beds placed near a single window, a medium-sized cabinet and an a miniature electric fan. As expected in a boy's room, it was a little bit messy but it's okay. His roommate was present at that time so I came to know him also. He was chubby with a dark complexion and a fair height for a man who studies at a university in our town and works as a part timer in a fast food chain at night. But he did not stay there for too long and left the 3 of us.
Everything was unusual and uncomfortable by the time he started to be too sweet at me. He was like a vampire who haven't tasted a blood for too long. He hugged me so tightly that I thought he has no plan of letting me go. Whispering some words of appreciation and longing suddenly paralyzes me on my seat. Goosebumps were all over my body. My body was there but my mind was flying in nowhere. Suddenly, I was awakened into reality when my friend asked him if where is the comfort room located and he gave him the direction reluctantly. And by the moment my friend left the room,..........(s***).......he had given me a deep and soft kiss which I never expected. What a sensation!!! I was suddenly hypnotized. I lost all the energy that I have. I just found myself returning all his kisses.(wtf!!) In my entire life, that was the first kiss I have without being drunk. Whew! How I wish that night would never end but it has to. There's no such thing as unlimited night.
The hardest part of that day was saying goodbye. But before we separate our ways, he gave me a tight embrace. I was so sad but we promised to see each other again but for how long will it take just to see him again. I know that it was never right. He already has a girl but I don't have mine. He loves her but he likes me i suppose. I can feel it. Why would he risk their relationship that lasts for a year already? I don't know what's going on with his mind. He never mentioned about his girlfriend anyway. Why would I care? As long as we're happy with each others' company, mistake would never exist.;)
"I don't care what other people might say. As long as you're here with me, everything's okay!!;)"
We went to a mall in our city after our feeding program last Saturday. After a long walk at the mall, we decided to sit in the food court and ate the junk foods that we bought below. While eating, we exchanged some experiences in our lives and we ended having a topic about what will be Philippines in the future.
We know that Philippines is still very dependent from other countries. I hate to admit this but without them, Philippines will be nothing. Sad but true. Philippines export Filipinos to the other countries to become domestic helpers therefore leaving behind their families for the sake of good salaries in exchange for their efforts. Instead of helping their own country, they have no choice but work abroad for it offers them more than Philippines can offer to its worker.
If Philippines will be rich as them, there will be a time when it will be importing some domestic helpers from different countries. Therefore, Filipinos will be the bosses and the foreigners will be their helpers. Just imagine a filipino having a helper like the beauty of a Brazilian model wearing uniform, bringing the things bought in a mall while following their bosses with a beauty of a native filipino (dark-skinned, flat nose, voluminous lips, and doesn't know how to dress and make up herself properly) will be outrageous to look at.
It is already in the Philippine culture that we admire most the beauty of foreigners than our own because long ago when the foreigners were still invading our country, we got used to the thought that they are more superior than us because of their skin tone and wealth. We, the Filipinos, who are fond of imitating the others will never obtain progress I suppose. In order to obtain such progress, we should believe and love ourselves first.
There were just few of them whom I considered real friends. Nowadays, it was really hard to find someone whom you can trust and lean on. It's just that I have already witnessed some betrayals between my friends and I suddenly told myself that I was really wrong to give my trust on them. I'm wondering that someday they might do the same on me or worst they were already doing that on me without my knowledge.
You might meet them on the streets and they can somehow manage to greet and smile at you but when they have already turned their backs, you don't know that you have already been back stabbed. How ironic! What's the use of making friends when you don't even try to understand and accept their differences??? Make sense???
I hate those people who change their feelings with time. They are often called selfish. They will just like you when they can still have some benefits on you and leave you at the end when they can no longer use you. I hope I was not wrong to choose those people whom I called "friends " right now.
It really hurts me so much to see my ex-friends who just passed me by as if they don't know me, as if we haven't spent time together. Some of them have already gone with time. Maybe they are already happy with their newly found friends. I can't blame them if they don't want me anymore. I guess, I have to accept my fate as a loner; always in the place of darkness where I'm hoping that someday someone might pick me up and give me the light I always wanted.
All I need are true, real, & genuine friend. Someone who will not leave me at the midst of a battle. Someone who is brave enough to accept my differences. I hope that someday I could find one but I guess that would be very impossible.;(
Whew! It had already been a month since I have posted something on this blog. Well, there's a lot that happened to me during those days of break.(murag d to sya break..lolz) I've been very busy these past few days. And those calvary, which I thought I'll never accomplish, has finally ended. Thank God. I would never make it without Him. Cheers to that!;)
Hmm. What more else I could say? Ahm. I just thank God that he has given me another year of challenges & struggles that would probably make me a better better person and I just hope I would overcome those stuffs.
For the meantime, I will just be relaxing since there were no tasks to work on. And I would appreciate if there will be some things to do cause I want to make myself busy so that I can forget those things that pressure me so much such as money, love, home, friends, etc. Duh. Uber!! hahaha. Good luck to me and the others.
Last night's party was a big blast for everybody at our boarding house. We celebrated our last night together for Christmas holiday is coming soon & we have to go home on our respective towns. Although it was just a simple one, we still enjoyed eating together at our small dining table. Everybody is totally full and satisfied after our delicious supper prepared by our 2nd mother, Momi Dionesia(hahaha).
Everything was really unexpected for we don't have enough budget for our food(mga dagko man gud cla ug kaon.., hahah). I even thought that our party won't be done that night but it was indeed a successful one.
After that wonderful supper, we proceeded at our social area so that we could sing because our landlady borrowed a videoke disc. Everybody was really enjoying at that moment. And of course, our party won't be complete without the drink-all-you-can portion. We somehow split our group into 2. The ladies and the women by heart were asked to drink at the 2nd floor & the real men stayed at our social area. We turned off the lights at the 2nd floor and made our own icebox where we held our small disco. It was really exhausting but fun.
The next part was we lie down on the floor and listened to the love songs. One of my boardmates, Zachary, was emoting about his love interest. Hahaha. He was really funny at that time. Obviously, he's drunk already. He kept on repeating the name of the man he fell in love with. And actually, while I'm typing this sentence on the keyboard, I've seen the man Zach was pertaining to last night. He is really handsome but I don't include him on my crush list. Hmm. And what happened next is that he fell asleep saying his name all over again. Hahaha. Poor Zachary.
The funny part of that session was that my boardmate, Don2x, was forcing my roommate, Ate Jessica, to drink the last shot. But Ate Jessica refused to do so. She locked our door as a sign of her rebellion against him. So, what he did was that he went at the back part of our room where our window is present to continue the game he had started but what he found in there was my other roommate, Jen. So, instead of giving the drink to Ate Jessica, he gave it to Jen. But Jen didn't want to drink anymore so, he forced her to do it without knowing that Momi Dionesia was below and she have heard their argument. So, Momi Dionesia angrily went upstairs to reprimand Don2x. But Don2x, hurriedly went to their room and acted like he was sleeping already(so, nagyaw2 c momi). So, Momi said,"Kamo bah. Ayaw gud ninyog pugsa ng d gnahan m.inom. Lantawa, gsuka nah nuon cya". We didn't know that Jen was already vomiting at that time. We're all in shock. But when Momi was already out, we still continued to party. It was already 2:00 am when we ended as if there's no mass and classes to attend the next few hours. Hahaha. It was really fun!;)
What happened last night was pretty long to narrate. So, these were just some of those events that I could share with you.
Nobody knows that last night would be my last hours at our boarding house & the last time they will be seeing me jamming with them on a happy moment. Even my landlord and landlady don't know about my plan of going back at my grandfather's place. And by the time I'm going to put a period at the last part of this paragraph, I guess I can't still find a way to tell them what is going to happen.
6 months have already passed. Too long yet too fast. It was just like yesterday when I started to live on my own together with some varieties of people. I didn't really expect that I would stay long at our boarding house as long as 6 months for I really hate our place. Our room is as hot as hell and I could hardly sleep at night because of the deafening sounds of the next room but everything eventually . Somehow I managed to get used to it which I thought I never would.
At this point in time, I have already made up mind. Although, it's hard for me to leave the people whom I considered my 2nd family and learned to love. Sadly, it was just a month ago when I started to jam with them because I was thinking that they don't like nor care about me but I was wrong. It was too late when I realized that I was the one who ignored them(maldita bya q. hahah). They were the best of friends I could ever have. I started to think that I was not alone really. Thanks to them. I have developed my self-esteem.
It was just too much. I need to fix myself first because I'm completely broken and the path I am taking is getting darker. I need to see the light again in the real world where I fit myself in. The world where I am free from people's judgment.
This once in a lifetime experience taught me the greatest lesson in life that sometimes life is not always having fun and enjoyment all but rather complicated circumstances and sacrifices at some times. I realized lately that I've been a scandalous daughter to my family. The daughter they thought that would save them from financial crisis has failed them. I have abused the freedom they gave to me. I engaged myself to some elderly stuffs like drinking and smoking. It was the biggest mistake I have done that I may regret for the rest of my life. So, I decided to stay away from it. (sauna, kuxog p kau q mnaway xah uban.., hahaha)
That's the main purpose of going back to my grandfather's house. I know I am safe in there and I will no more worry about the food I'm going to eat everyday.;) But somehow, I'll miss the bond that I have among my boardmates. Gaining lots of ates and kuyas is a wonderful experience. My 6 months at Meciano Rd. are full of fun because of them.. The next year would be so different without me in the boarding house. But I have to do this. It's for the betterment of myself and for everyone.
To my RoomMates: Glaiza Alberca & Jessica Nuique
To my BoardMates: Don2x, Algen, Migz, Jade, Kat2, Zach, Jen, Shan2x, Dodong, Jay, Carel, Choy, Ceit, LJ, Bern, Jick2x, Milogen, Rerey, Klo-Klo, etc.(sori xah mga nlimtan nq.., hahaha)
To my hatest BoardMate:Vic jhun
To my ever considerate LandLord & LandLady: Uncle Eddie & Aunt Dionesia
Thanks for making a difference in my life. I'll never forget all the things you have shared with me.(pgkadrama.., hahah)
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams
Whoa!!! I fell in love immediately with this song when I first heard it. It's very touching and peaceful. It really inspires me. If you feel like bored and mad just listen to this song and it will help you. This is a perfect song for everybody. I would rate this song at 5 stars. I really love this song. It rocks my world every time I hear it.;)
Cheers to Owl City for a job very well done. Keep it up!!! Keep inspiring everybody. hahahaha(mkarelate jud q aneh dah!)
